…The Top 5 Football Taches

It’s time to get out the razor and shave off the mouser. The furry little friend above my top lip has been growing gradually thicker by the day and I think I’m going to miss it once it’s gone – my wife definitely won’t! In light of it’s departure, I think this is the perfect time to pay homage to some footballers who were fully committed to their moustaches. I’m not talking about players who went through a brief phase of having a little bit of hair adorning their upper lip in keeping with the fashion of the time or like myself, enjoying the novelty for a month. I’m championing those men who wore their moustache with pride.

After writing my last post about Movember, it got me thinking about the lack of facial hair in football nowadays, particularly moustaches. In the  70’s, 80’s and even into the early 90’s nearly every team had at least one player with a tache and in my opinion it’s a loss to the modern game. Here’s a selection of hairy-lipped footballers that I remember growing up. These are my Top 5 Football Moustaches.

1. Graeme Souness 

What a player, what a tache! One of the most recognisable and successful moustaches of the era. Not only was he hard as nails but the sheer volume of his mouser was intimidating in itself.

2. Rudi Völler

Ok, I know it’s probably not the first thing you notice (that’ll be the blond curly mullet!) but Völler’s moustache deserves some attention. You’ve got to admire the man for having the audacity to persevere with this combination for so long.

3. John Wark

Ipswich legend Wark and his cowboyesque tache not only graced the International and European football stages but also featured on the silver screen. The big Scotsman appeared in the film Escape To Victory alongside Michael Caine, Pelé, Bobby Moore, Ossie Ardiles and Sylvester Stallone, adding some much needed facial hair to the otherwise fresh-faced Allies squad.

4. Sieb Dykstra

I played in the same Dundee United side as Sieb for two and a half years so I’ve seen this one in the flesh.  With his swarthy looks he puts you in mind of a huge mexican bandit and I couldn’t imagine the big Dutchman without a tache. He said he started growing it when he joined his brother’s gang ‘The Fast Eagles’ during his teenage years in Holland. Look out for more stories about the big man in a future ‘Teammates’ Post.

5. Ian Rush & John Aldridge

They look like they could have been separated at birth, and should technically be two separate entries, but both of these goal machines favoured very similar styles of  facial hair. The wearers of these simple yet effective moustaches terrorised defences during the 80’s and 90’s and now they both enjoy careers in the media. Rush has now disposed of his moustache, while Aldridge’s is still going strong. I know who I think looks best. Come on Ian, you know you miss it!

Let me know what you think of this selection of moustachioed footballing heroes. Who would you put in your top 5?

Here’s the final photo of my own effort. I’m quite happy with it even though it’s not really worthy of appearing on the same page as these legendary mousers.

Tachetastic!

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8 comments
  1. I already had decided on the best tache. It would have to be Rushy mate. Souness is a great shout — but Ian rush seals it

    Nice piece.

    • Yeah, Rush was quality, the original fox in the box!

  2. jonathan reid said:

    WILLIE MILLER – NO QUESTION

    • Got to agree, a great tache. It was a like a brush!

      • Graeme McLaren said:

        Carlos Valderrama, Rene Higuita and Ruud Gullit classic taches but maybe the crazy hairstyles took attention away from the tache.

  3. Haha, great trio of players all with dreadlocks and moustaches, I love it, especially Valderrama’s blond hair/dark tache combo!

  4. Definately John wark mate, a true Ipswich legend! One of my heroes growing up and I had the pleasure of meeting him and getting to know him when I was a young pro at Ipswich.

    As for yours mate I’m impressed with your attempt! A great cause, well played.

    • Cheers mate I’m jealous, John Wark was a great player. I think he was massively underrated.

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